I need someone to take a gun to my head.

I need someone to come here and murder me. I need to be killed. I need to be destroyed. I need to fucking go someplace because being a fucking person is not working out. I just had……the most disgusting experience of my life. Earlier, Harley wanted a video of me rapping. Okay, I was fine with that because I thought I was decent. I thought I didn’t look like a total pig.

Well

I was wrong.

I didn’t review it before uploading it or while editing it.

But after I sent the video to Harley, I decided to review it…

It was thee most vile, disturbing, disgusting, horrendous pathetic and sad ball of fat. Pure fat. I have gotten so fucking big. It’s so fucking disgusting. I’ve let myself get morbidly obese and repulsive. How have I not noticed this before? The extra weight gain. I felt it. I knew it was happening. I denied it. I gained nearly 60 pounds since I’ve dropped out of school. This is completely unacceptable. Living this way is unacceptable. I’m pathetic and repulsive and gruesome. I now understand why no one has stuck around. I’m a monster. I need to do something about this. I need the motivation. And what pisses me off is that because I just naturally don’t give a shit about what happens to me, I’ll be able to not think about this again and not be worried or concerned.